.^. i^y See List of, Plays on 2d, 3d and 4th pages of Cover. 



N4 



No. CLXV. 



y(^^7 



"HE MINOR DRAMA. 

NEPTUIE'S DEFEa!;^' 

OR, 

THE SEIZURE OF THE SEAS. 

^ 

A NEW AND CURIOUSLY ORIGINAL 

^Ikgorrc, Pgtbologk, Petapljorit Jiltraliouof ^ur-passiitg €bcnts. 
BY JOHN BROUGHAM. 



WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, 
RELATIVE POSITIONS, &o., &o. 



AS PERFORMED AT WALLACE'S THEATRE. 



N E AV - Y R K : 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 

122 Nassau StiiRet, \\iv SxAins.) 
PRICE,] [I2i CENTS. 

Freuch & Wheat, Priuters, 18 Ann street, New York. 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA, 

Price 12 >^ Cents each.— Bound Volumes $1. 


VOL. I. 


VOL. II. 


VOL. III. 


VOL. IV. 


1. Ion, 1 9. The Stranger, 


17. The Poor Gentleman 


25. Virginius, 


2. Fazio, 10. Grandfather White- 


18. Uamlet, 


26. Kingof the Commons 


3. The Lady of Lyons, 


n. Richard III. [tiead. 


19. Charles II. 


27. London Assurance, 


4. Richelieu, 


12. Love's Sacrifice, 


20. Venice Preserved, 


28. The Rent Day, 


5. The Wife, 


13. The Gamester, [ache, 


21. Pizarro, 


29. Two GenUemen of 


6. The Honeymoon, 


14. A Cure for the Heart- 


22. The Love Chase, 


Verona, 


7. The School for Scandal 


15. The Hunchback. 


23. Othello, [lings 


30. The Jealous Wife, 


8. Money, 


16. Don C^sar de Bazan, 


24. Lend me Five Shil- 


31. The Rivals, 


With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


32. Perfection, 


moir of Mrs. A. C. 


moir of Mr. CHARLES 


moir of Mr. W. E. BUR- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


MOWATT. 


KEAN. 


TON. 


moir of J. H. HACKETT 


VOL. V. 


VOL. VI. 


VOL. VII. 


VOL. VIII. 


33. A New Way to Pay 


41. Speed the Plough, 


49. Road to Ruin, 


57. The Apostate, 


Old Debts, 


42. Romeo and Juhet, 


50. Macbeth, 


58. Twelfth Night, 


34. Look Before You Leap 


43. Feudal Times, 


51. Temper, 


59 Brutus, 


35. King John, 


44. Charles the Twelfth, 


52. Evadne, 


60. Simpson & Co. 


36. Nervous M an. 


45. The Bridal, 


53. Bertram, 


61. Merchant of Venice, 


37. Damon and Pythias, 


46. The Follies of a Night 


54. The Duenna, 


62. Old Heads and Young 


38. Clandestine Marriage 


47. The Iron Chest, 


55. Much Ado About No- 


Hearts. 


39, William TeU, 


48. Paint Heart Never 


thing, 


63. Mountaineerft. 


40. Day afterthe Wedding 


Won Fair Lady, 


56. The Critic, 


64. Three Weeks After 
Marriage. 


\\''ith a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


moir of G. COLMAN, 


moir of E. BULWER 


moir of R. B. SHERI- 


moir of Mr. GEORGE 


the Elder. 


LYTTON. 


DAN. 


H. BARRETT. 


VOL. IX. 


VOL. X. 


VOL. XI. 


VOL. XII. 


65. Love, 


73. Henry VIII. 


81. Jnlius Cssar, 


89. Ingomar, 


66. As You Like It, 


74. Married and Single, 


82. Vicar of Wakefield, 


90. Sketches in India, 


67. The Elder Brother, 


75. Henry IV. 


83. Leap Year, 


91. Two Friends, 


68. Werner, 


76. Paul Pry. 


84. The Catspaw, 


92. Jane Shore, 


69. Gisippus, 


7T. Guy Mannering, 


85. The Passing Cloud, 


93. Corsican Brothers, 


70. Town and Country. 


78. Sweethearts and 


86. Drunkard, 


94. Mind Your Own Bus- 


71. King Lear, 


Wives, 


87. Rob Roy, 


iness, 


72. Blue Devils, 


79. Serious Family. 


88. George Barnwell, 


95. Writing on the Wall, 




80. She Stoops to Con- 




96. Heir at Law, 


With a Portrait and Me- 


quer, 


With a Portrait and Me- 




moir of Mrs. SHAW. 


With a Portrait and Me- 


moir of Mrs. JOHN 


With a Portrait and Me- 




moir of Miss C. CUSH- 


SEPTON. 


moir of Mr. THOMAS 




MAN. 




HAMBLIN. 


VOL. xm. 


VOL. XIV. 


VOL. XV. 


VOL. XVI. 


97. Soldier's Daughter, 


105. Game of Love, 


113. Ireland As It Is, 


121. The Tempest, 


98. Douglas, 


106. Midsummer Night's 


114. Sea of Ice. 


122. The Pilot, 


99. Marco Spada, 


Dream, 


115. Seven Clerks, 


123. Carpenter of Rouen, 


100. Nature's Nobleman, 


107. Ernestine, 


116. Game of Life, 


124. King's Rival, 


101. Sardanapalus, 


108. Rag Picker of Paris, 


117. Forty Thieves, 


125. Little Treasure, 


102. Civilization, 


109. Flving Dutchman, 


118. Bryan Boroihme, 


126. DombeyandSon, 


103. The Robbers, 


110. Hvpocrite, 


119. Romance & Reality. 


127. Parents and Guard- 


104. Katharine and Pe- 


111. Therese, 


120. Ugolino, 


128. Jewess. [jaus. 


truchio. 


112. La Tour do Nesle, 






With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 


With a Portrait and Me- 




moir of Mr. EDWIN 


moir of Mr. JOHN 


moir of Mr. BARNEY 




FOREST. 


BROUGHAM. 


WILLIAMS. 




VOL. XVII. 


VOL. xvrii. 


VOL. XIX. 


VOL. XX. 


129. Camille, 


137. Night and Morning, 


145. Dred, or the Dismal 


153. French Spy, 


130. Married Life, 


138. ^thiop, 


Swamp, 


154. Wept of Wish-ton 


131. Wenlock of Wenlock 


139. Three Guardsmen, 


146. Last Davs of Pom- 


Wish, 


132. Rose of Ettrickvale, 


140. Tom Cringle, [ken. 


147. Esmeralda, [peii. 


155. Evil Genius, 


133. David Copperfleld, 


141. Heuriette, the Forsa- 


148. Peter Wilkins, 


156. Ben Bolt, 


134. Aline, or the Rose of 


142. EustacheBaudin, 


149. Ben the Boatswain, 


157. Sailor of France, 


135. Pauline, [Killarney, 


143. Ernest Maltravers, 


150. Jonathan Bradford, 


158. Red Mask, 


136. Jane Eyre. 


144. Bold Dragoons. 


151. Retribution, 


159. Life of an Actress, 


■ 152. Mineral!. 


160. Wedding Day. 


VOL. XXI. 


VOL. XXII. 


VOL. XXTTT. 


VOL. XXIV. 


161. All's Fair in Love, 


169. Son of the Night, 


177. Actress of Padua, 


185. Young New York. 


162. Hofer, 


170. Rory O'More, 


178. Floating Beacon, 


186. The Victims. 


163. Self, 


171. Golden Eagle, 


179. Bride of Lammer- 


187 Romance after Mar- 


164. Cinderella, 


172. Eienzi. 


moor, [ges, 
180. Cataract of the Gan- 


1S8 Brigand, [riage. 


1-66. Phantom, 


173. Broken Sword, 


189 Poor of New York, 


166. Franklin, 


174. Rip Van Winkle, 


181. Robber of the Rhine 


190 Ambrose Gwinett, 


167. The Gunmaker of 


175. Isabelle. 


182. School of Reform, 


191 Raymond and Agnes, 


Moscow, 


176, Heart of Midlothian. 


183. Wandering Boys, 


192 Gainbler's Fate, 


168. The Love of a Prince 




184. Mazeppa. 




[Catalogue continued on third page of cover.] 11 



THE MINOR DRAMA 

SJje ^ctfna ISUftfou. 
No. CLXV. 



NEPTUNE'S DEFEAT; 



OK, 



THE SEIZURE OF THE SEAS. 

A NEW AND CURIOUSLY OKIGINAL 

^Uc0ork, Pgtljologk, PttEpbovk <|Utratioitof gur-passing (Bbtxd$, 
BY JOHN BROUaHAM. 



TO WHICH ARE ADDKD 

A description of the Costume— Cast of tlie Cbaraclei-a— Entrances and Exits- 
Relative Positions of the Perfoimers on the Stage, and the whole of the 
Stage Business. :_^! 



AS PERFORMED AT WALLACE'S THEATRE. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1858, by John Brougham, in the Clerk's Offica 
of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of Xew York. 



B I tft r t " 



NEW YORK: 

SAMUEL F R E N C 

122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs. 






'^vi 



Cast of t|)C ffiljavactcvs.— [Neptune's Defeat.] -v x i^ 

ANCIENT FOGIES. (^ "^ A 

iVep^wnc, a Son of Malt and 'Ops — the Julius Csesar V ^7^ ^ 
of the Seas — but now reduced to the deejiest ex- ^ ^ .,% 

treniity, though makhig superhuman efforts to \ 

keep his head above water Mr. Brougham. 

Chronos, occasionally called Saturn, but generally 
Time — a vain old weathercock, exceedingly regu- 
lar in his movements, but altogether too slow for 
the present age Mr. Sloan. 

Oceanus, Neptune's father-in-law — a jolly old salt, 
partial to junketting Mr. Chippendale. 

Boreas, a very great blower — son of Aurora, and 

considerable of a roarer himself. ]Mr. C. Bernard. 

Triton, Neptune's eldest son — heir-apparent to Ins 
parent, and first Prince of Whales Mr. F. Hodges. 

JEolus, T ( Mr. Jones. 

Aiisier, I Wind Instruments, played on by J Mr. Smithson. 

Corns, j Neptune. 1 Mr. Holmes." 

Aquilo, J I Mr. Somers. 

Submarines gen erally, .Messrs. Brewer, Oliver, Cotton, Traddleton, &c. 
Ajid a niimerouus Chorus and Corps de Ballet 

Amphiirite, Queen of the Ocean, and acknowledged 

leader of the codfish aristocracy Mrs. Floyd. 

July, the sunniest daughter of the year Miss E. Henrado. 

Nereiads, sparkling sea nymphs, diamonds of the 

first water Missse Pyne, Cooke, Stella, Reeves, Forrest, and 

a numerous corps of auxiliaries. 

MODERN INNOVATORS. 

Electroi, a son of Mercury and Iris — an astonish- 
ingly fast young spark, determined to make his 
Avay through the world Miss M. Gannon. 

St. George, proxy for Albion at the distinguished 
marriage in high life, below stairs Mr. Lascelles. 

Columbia, the interesting party on the above hap- 
py occasion ; for further particulars, see 
"Jenkins." Miss Tree. 



Costume. 

NEPTUNE.— White cloth of silver under skirt, rich tissue over ; blue toga, with 

Grecian trimming ; fleshings and sandals. 
TIME.— Grey tunic, dark drapery ; half-body fleshings and sandals ; largo wings ; 

scythe and hour-glass. 
OCEANUS.— Brown tunic, with green trimming; dark-blue toga; fleshings and 

sandals ; long pig-tail. 
TRITON.— Same, in- other colors. 

All the sea-gods in similar dresses. 
ELECTROS.— Amber skirt, spangled, Grecian trimming ; small blue toga, spangled ; 

winged cap and winged sandals ; wand with brilliant star. 
AMPHITRITE.— White Grecian dross, trimmed with green; bright green gauze 

over skirt ; coral crown. 
N£K£IADS.— White dresses, "vith pink gauze over skirts. 



NEPTUNE'S DEFEAT. 



ACT I . 

SCENE I. — Stalactite Sea-Ro<ym in Neptune's Subaqueous Crystal 
Palace. 

His. Majesty and Suite discovered, having a high old time below. 

OPENING CLAMOROUS CHORUS. 
Air, "Jolly Young Waterman." 
Oh! have you not heard of this joll}' old waterman, 

Who o'er the seas doth unceasingly reign, 
Yet is no pale melancholy cold waterman, 
But a good fellow you'll find in the main. 

Old Burton ale he so loves to guttle he, 
Paints his nose till it looks quite Cuttley ; 
He's ticketed not to he kept very dry, 
So this waterman still has a drop in his eye. 

[Repeat chorus. 

Nep. [Coming fonvard.] Go it, my Tritons ! raise a jolly shine; 
Sound your deep C's, for we're below the line. 
These mortals, reckless worshipers of stocks 
And stones, who any lengths to reach the rocks 
Will go, can hardly drop their prying leads 
So low as this to knock about our heads. 
Ain't it a shame the monarch of the wave 
Within these grottoes should be forced to cave, 
Like a base Troglodyte fish-eating sinner. 
With not a morsel of fresh meat for diiuier 1 
Our stump-tail sea-cows on still waters feed. 
And swill so much they make bad beef indeed. 

Oceanus. I don't object to it by way of lunch — 

It has a smack, you know, of strong milk punch, 



4 Neptune's defeat. 

And that just suits iny palate to a T. 
Besides, my eyes and limbs, you'll all agree 
That grain-fed cattle must at least /eeZ prime, 
The beef is only corned before it's time. 
I never knew a cow, since I was born, 
• That didn't carry in her head a good stiff horn. 

Ne^. Or two ; and that's a boneyfide fact. 
So we should only reverence the tact 
Of those who scientific truths instill. 
And sing the glories of immortal swill ; 
Pitying as we ought the world's blindness. 
And call their milk the milk of human kindness. 

Oceanus. Steer clear of libel, Neptune, for I doubt 
If any housekeeper would bail you out ; 
The Centre Street Hotel is rather gloomy, 
And such remarks might I'ead a little Toombey. 

Nep. Well, then, we'll drop them. What is there of note 
Above us — is there anything afloat 1 
I mean, ought fishy in the social scale 
To point a moral or adorn a tale 1 

Ocea/iMS. Nothing that I know of. But see, 

Your worthy father comes — old Time — and he, 
No doubt, will tell us all the freshest news. 
Could we detain him. 

JVejj. Oh ! he won't refuse 

To stay with us awhile — I'll tell you why : 
We'll wet his Avings so he won't dare to fly, 
And when he's soaked in rum we'll pump him dr}'. 
Enter Time, with scythe and gla^s, l. n. 

CHORUS OF TRITONS. 
It's Time — old Time — let's seize him ere he passes, 

And prime and prime him with our jolly cheer; 
So, Time — old Time — come fill our empty glasses, 

No time, old Time you'll lose by waiting here. 

JVep. How are you, dad 1 

Time. Come, sonny, stand aside ; 

Time must sail on, whatever may betide. 

So let me go. 
iVe^. Pshaw! stufi'! your anchor drop ; 

As you've run down, you know, you'll have to stop. 

We'll watch your movements closely, never fear. 
Time. 'Twould puzzle you, I think, to keep Time here 
JVej). Not so ; with proper instruments we're stored, 

For see, our glasses sparkle on the board ; 

Than your sand-clouded hour-glass far more bright, 

Stars shine through ours the darkest sort of night. 

So come, old Saturn, don't look Saturnine ; 

The grape invites you— drink, and feel divine. 

Put down your glass ; you see I've put down mine. 



NEPTUNE S DEFEAT. 6 

Time. Excuse me, but I mustn't give up that. 

Nep. [Changing the hour-glass fov a tumbler.] Here, take it, then ; 
and now I'll bet a hat 

He'll be more social. Well, why don't you slip 

Your cable 1 
Time. I think FU stay awhile and taste your flip. 8me 

iVe/?. Tip us your flipper ; pass tie grog along ; 

And now, my Tritons, we shall try a song. sssss 

SONG.— Neptune. 
The Legend of the Lazaretto. 

I'll sing you a song, one 

That sha'n't be a long one, 
About a remarkably nigh laud ; 

On a map of the world, 

If it should be unfurled. 
You will And it is called Staten Island. 
For oh ! it's a tight little island. 
It's an A No. 1 little island ; 

The famed Isle of Wight 

Isn't quite — honor bright — 
Such a paradise as Staten Island, 



It was some time ago, 
AVhen the prices were low. 

A few people went over to buy land ; 
" For it's likely," said they, 
" That at some future day, 

It will be a most populous island ; 

And oh ! in this tight little island. 

In this A No. 1 little island. 
Without any trouble 
Our money we'll double, 

Each year that we're on Staten Island.' 



Now it happened in time. 

From the southern clime 
There came a great dread of infection, 

And the folks in the city 

They thought it a pity 
To be so exposed to its action ; 
To Yellow Jack's mischievous action, 
His mean and insidious action — 

"And," said they, " all our trade 

On the shelf will be laid, 
If we don't keep him out of our section. 



6 Neptune's defeat. 

So thej' hunted a spot 

For a hospital, lot 
From the Hook round to Nevasink Highland, 

But the llsh wouldn't hite, 

For they thousht — very rJ2;ht — 
It would make all the neighborhood shy land : 
All the rest of the property shy land, 
• Completely unsaleable dry land, 

" So," said tbey, "just depart 

With your pestilent cart, 
For you don't get an inch of our highland." 

Then the Island they tried, 

Where so few did abide 
That they easily managed to sly, land 

AVhere some oDe content 

With a hundred per cent., 
Sold a slice of the yotmg Staten Island ; 
The A No. 1 little Island, 
The thinly-inhabited island — 

An while she was green 

A complete Quarantine 
Was created upon Staten Island. 

In a very short time, 

The salubrious clime 
And the taxes that worried the nigh land, 

Made hundreds incline 

To Manhattan resign, 
For a more economical island ; 
So thej' rushed to the neighboring island, 
To the A No. 1 little island, 

And, keeping in petto, 

That same lazaretto 
Built speedily up Staten Island. 

But one midsummer night, 

When the city was tight. 
All ablaze like a great fire-fly land, 

There suddenly came 

A more luminous iiame 
From the threatened pestiferous island ; 
For the nuisance that stood in the island — 
The rash and igniferous island — 

Couldn't patiently wait 

To be moved by the State, 
So the army is down on the island. 

■Oceanus. Those notes are pleasing. How do they strike you 1 
Time, Like notes on time matured, or new-fallen due. 



NEPTONE S DEFEAT. 

Xep. What a business-like comparison ! 

Time. _ Well, and how's the wife 1 

Ntp. I believe she's tidj', but upon my life 

I don't exactly know. I grieve to say 

She's metamorphssed .since old Ovid's day. 
Ocea>i!M. You've touched a tender subject ; have a care, 

Tlieir marine majesties are not a pair. 
Time. They haven't parted '? 
Oceanus. No, they live together. 

Because they've got to, just like wind and weather; 

And I must say, althoii<;h she is my daughter, 

She keeps us, the whole boiling;, in hot water. 
Time. And what's the cause of quarrel 1 
Oceanus. No one knows. 

Incompatability of temper, I suppose. 

That's the cant now, whene'er a tired spouse 

AVould fain repudiate the marriage vows. 
Time. Ah ! yes, I see I must condole with him a few. 

What's gone amiss, old chapl 
Nep. AVhat's that to you 1 

Time. Oh, nothing ! 
Nep. {To Tritons.] Be oflT! we wi.sh to be alone a spell. 

Now can I make a clean breast of it and tell 

You all the griefs that in my bosom dwell. 

I'm wretched. 
Time. No I how so 1 

Nep. • Ah ! no one knows 

The depth of a submerged monarch's woes. 

Time was, you recollect, when all alone 

I reigned ; the seas you saw were all my own ; 

In my shell bark I could securely glide, 

And o'er old Oeean unmolested ride. 

But now, those reckless insects of a day — 

Those petty, but presumptuous sons of clay — 

O'er every element for conquest pine ; 

Unsatisfied with their domain, launch out on mine, 

And drive us, with their paddles and propellers, 

Down ignoniiniously to our sub-cellars. 
Time. I've seen it all ; and now, 'twixt me and you, 

I'll own I feel a little shakey too. 

Those chaps are getting so confounded fast, 

They're likely to trip up my heels at last ; 

With their trained lightning and galvanic clocks 

They've given me some rather serious shocks. 

My sober glass, 'tis clear thy race is run ; 

And even my death-dealing scythe's outdone ; 

Bad rum, foul streets and careless quarantines 

To mow folk down are more complete machines. 
Nep. I have, alas ! a traitor near my throne — 

Slip whom I once could say was all my own 



NEPTUNE S DEFEAT. 



Is leagued with those vile crews bej-ond a doubt ; 

Upholds their craft and sets them all afloat ; 

Speeds them along where'er they wish to go, 

And harbors them in safety when I rage and blow ; 

Nay, I suspect that with these things of clay 

She has a secret understanding in some way. 

1 think I know the daring go-between 

That thus presumes to tamper with our queen. 
Time. Who is he 1 
Nep. He's a flashy kind of spark ; 

And fast, almost as fast as Young New York ; 

A son of Mercury and Iris, yoii know. 

The nimble messengers of Jove and Juno; 

Their union was a recent sly affair, 

And therefore it's not found in Lempriere. 
Time. And what's his name 1 
Nep. Electros. 
Time. Phew ! the upstart pup, 

Who swears, I'm told, he's bound to use me up; 

Upset my calculations in a streak. 

And knock me into the middle of next week. 

{Noise outside. 
Voices. Stop him ! Stop him ! [Music, ^'Bronze Horse." 

Nep. Hallo ! what's all this noise about ? 

Enter Triton. 

The devil damn thee black* thou cream-faced lout ! 

Why don't you speak ? 
Triton. My liege, there's a runaway sea-horse 

Coming like lightning. 
Nep. That must be a Morse. 

[Music increases. Fish in Jiumbers pass rapidly across at hack, 
through opening ; next the sea-horse, with Electros after, c. 

CONCERTED PIECE. 

Tritons. — Phantom Chorus, " Somnar/ibula." 
Oh ! sight of wonder ! 
We all knock under. 
A youth comes riding, 
A Morse bestriding, 
On, dashing splashing 
'Mid lightnings flashing. 
Who can lie be 1 who can he be, we'd like to know 1 

Solo. — Neptune. 
Can it be Barnura, 
Our mermaids' scarnura 1 
Or is it Cyrus, 
Come here to wire us ] 



NEPTUNE S DEFEAT. V 

That is if any 
Be left by Tiffany. 
Who can it be, thus through the sea, come down below 1 

Eater Electkos. 

^ Solo, — Electros. 
Oh ! I'm a brisk and gay young fellow, 

Through the seas just come to see 
How far down I can propel a 

Flash of electricity, 

Neptune and Tritons. 
Did ho, would he, could he, should he, come to scare o 

Hurry worry flurry with his idle riddle low, 
Soon the coon will rip and tear o. 

Who's boss here we'll let him know. 

Electros. 
When the world emerged from chaos 

I drove Adams' first express, 
And with Cyrus I took Teios 
While the Greeks were supperless. 
Did he, &c. 

Elec. Why, here's old Daddy Time. You take it cool ; 

Don't you know that it's to-morrow, you old fooll 
Time, You're fast, my friend ; I think I ought to know, 
Elec. Oh, no, I'm not; it's you who are too slow. 

What time are you 1 
Time. Just nine. 
Elec And I say two— 

Five hours, you see, old clock, ahead of you. 
Time. What sort of time is that, I'd like to know 1 
Elec. Greenwich ; I left it just ten seconds ago. 

That is to sa}', by my tifne — but by yours, 

I sha'n't have left it yet b}' several hours. 
Oceanus. Ha ! ha ' tell that story to the sub-marines ; 

The old salts won't believe you. 
Nep. By no manner of means ! 

Elec. It's true, for all that. 
Nep. Then, by your word, 

Yon know of things before they have occurred 1 
Elec. I do. 
All. You do ! 

Eiec, Distinctly, honor bright ; 

That's if my continuity's all right. 
Time, I don't believe a word of it ! 
Elec. Because it's new. 

I'm not surprised — old fogies never do. 



10 NEPT0Ne's DEi^JSAT, 

But when their heels are trodden on, they cry, 

" Who would have thought it 1" 
Time. By Jingo, I must fly 

If this be true. 
Elec. You needn't cut away ; 

You're safe enough as \ong as I can sta3^ 
Time, But I am due now at the City Hall. 
Elec. The clock is gone — 
Time. And justice, too ? 

Elec. Sword, scales and all 

Burnt down, in fact, a practical reproof 

That justice should not always be outside that roof. 
Nep. Suspicious thoughts are rankling in my breast j 

I doubt this spark — I'll put him to the test. 
Elec. Where's Amphitrite 1 'tis to her I'm bound. 
Nep. He's deep, but yet I think that I can sound 

Him slyly. Ahem ! might we presume to know 

The business which has brought you here below 1 
Elec. Nothing particular — I thought I'd dive 

Down here to see if you were all alive. 
Nep. I don't believe a word of it. 
Time. Nor I. 

Nep. Quite clear that it's a most transparent lie. 

And yet we can't see through it. 
Tri, Sail in the offing. 
Nep. What 1 

Make her out. 
Oceanus. It's the Royal Yacht 

Just come from Newport. 
Nep. Ha ! my wife ! young sir ! 

Our Queen approaches, if it be to her. 

You come with mischievous intent, bewai'e ! 

And of a husband's vengeance have a care. 
JElec. These lines though not bran new, are flower}'; 

I think I've heard you speak them at the Bowery : 

But I'm not scared, however, you may spout. 

All Neptune's ocean now, can't put me out. 
Nep, I have a notion that it can ; we'll see. 

Chronos, you watch him well. 
Time. Leave him to me. 

Amphiteite and the Neriads descend in a brilliant car c, drawn by 
Dolphins, or most probably by Isherwood. 

SOLO AND CHORUS.— Neptdne and Tkitons. 

Now singing Tritons, clear your thi'oats, 
The ocean bank will casli your notes. 
Shout out each loyal submarine, 
And welcome back tlie Ocean Queen. 



NEPXrXES DEFEAT. 11 

She's a coming down here and I guess we'll have to mizzle, . 

Such a getlin' down stairs I never did sec ; 
She's a coming down here and I guess we'll have to mizzle, 

Such a gettin' down stairs is a miracle to me. 

[Amphitrite and Electros telegraph. 

Nep. Did you see that 1 as sure as we're alive, 

They're telegraphing — but in vain they'll strive 

To hide their plots t'rom me ; let me be calm. 

You and this spark have met before, Madame 1 
Elec. Oh, frequently. 
Nep. Submerge ; who spoke to you 1 
Amphi. You're out of sorts, my love, I think 1 
A^ej}. A few. 

Where have you met 1 
Elec. Her majesty's face is 

Familiar quite at all the w'atering places. 
Nep. [To Amphitrite.] Do you object to answer'? 
Amphi. Not at all, 

In the Ocean House at the Magruder ball 

I believe it was, 
Ulec. Yes, fairest of the fair, 

I think we had a slight flirtation there. 
Nep. What's that I hear 1 

Ampei. Don't put him in a rage. 

Mec. I'll check his passion quickly, I'll engage. 

With this magnetic wand, o'er land and sea, 

O'er time and space I have the mastery. 
Nep. Why, would you dare with us to have a tussle 1 
Ulec. You can bet your pile, I travel on my muscle. 
Nep. Does the poor witless calf defy my jiower? 

Give me my Trident, I'll soon make him cower. 

By this young scamp we'll be no longer mocked ; 

Abate him, he's a nuisance. 
Elec. Stand aside, or you'll be shocked. 

Chorus — commence a violent strain, but are suddenly electrified, and 
remain m attitude. 

Nep. Science has strength, you see, my royal friend, 

To which the very highest have to bend. 

Who would suppose such fierce sea-dogs were these, 

And this the mighty monarch of the seas. 

Don't be afraid for they can't move a fin — 

If you have anything against them now pitch in. 
Amphi. That woiddhe mean. 
Elec. Well, let us leave them here 

As I have something for your private ear. 

Good bye ; you won't be so inclined to lark 

Again, I think, with an electric spark. 
[Music. Exeunt Electros and A^iphitrite, r. h. Rest closed in. 



12 nkptu.ne'.s dhkkat. 

SCENE II. — Am}7lntiile's Coral Boudoir. 
Enter Electros and Amphitrite, r. h. 

Amjphi, I'm not quite sure tliat I am acting rightlj', 

To take this shocking circumstance so liglitly. 

But you have sucli a strange attractive way, 

That now you're here we'll hear what you've to say. 
Elec. Most gracious queen, without prevarication, 

I'm on a matrimonial speculation. 
Amphi. A youth like you ! 
Elec. Excuse me, not at all ! 

The parties sent me down to make this call, 

To sound you, and if possible find out 

Exactly how the land lay here about, 

So that I might be privileged in fine 

To carry to and fro a loving line, 

That is to say, if you have no objection. 
Amphi. Who are the objects of this deep affection 1 
Elec. The princeliest realm that rises from the waves, 

Your youngest daughter, fair Columbia, craves 

In jieaceful anion. 
Amphi. Albion! you surprise me now. 

Why, not long since, they had a precious row. 
Elec. It's natural for cousins to fall out. 

Nine times in ten the)' don't know what about. 
Amphi. Cousins ! but don't that trench on the degree 

Of interdicted consanguinity 1 
Elec. Oh, not at all ! they're cousins gerT.an, merely ; 

Dutch institution, weak and lager bierly. 

But nothing can be done till you decide ; 

Without your aid the knot can?io^ be tied. 
Amphi. But how can I assist you 1 
Elec. You shall hear. 

The high contracting parties will ere long appear 

In the Niagara, a nation's pride, 

And the brave Agamemnon — side bj' side. 

Midway from either shore they mean to stop, 

And in a friendly way upon you drop. 

Now, if you can but keep old Neptune still, 

Our purpose we should easily fulfil,. 

The anxious couple in a trice be triced 

Together, and in fact securely spliced. 

When the two hemispheres are linked in one, 

I'll pass the word to pipe all hands for fun. 
Amphi. That's well enough, but who's to star.d the treat 1 
Elec. They'll each pay out and so make both ends meet. 
Amphi. Well, sir, I'll promise to do all I can 

To pacify my terrible old man. 

If the great bear should find out what you're doing, 

A storm, depend upon it, he'll be brewing. 



Neptune's defeat. 13 

Elec. Wliy then, we'll heve to trust to luck and you. 

[Steam whistle heard. 
That sound ! hurrah ! thej-'re at the rendezvous. 

VAUDEVILLE.— Electros. 
Air, " niiistle and I'll come to you, my Lad." 
'Tis the mild and melodious steam signal I hear, 
Through the Halifax fog it falls soft on the ear, 
Though old daddy Neptune should boil up like mad, 
Whittle and I'll come to you, my lad. [Exeunt. 

SCENE III. — Submarine landscape — Aquatic plants, ^-c. — Whistle 
heard very loud — Chorus of agitated water spirits. 

RAILROAD GALOP. 

What I wonder, 
So far under. 
Raising, 
Blazing, 
Row amazing. 
Yelling, 
Swelling. 
Peace dispelling. 
What in thunder, is the muss *? 
Is it stump speaker"? 
Or freedom shrieker. 
Mad raver. 
Rip staver, 
, Or else the comet, 

Though we're far from it, 
^ Kicking up here such a fuss, 

^ Enter Neptune, l. h. 

Nep. Hallo ! what means this everlasting row 1 

Boreas. 
Boreas. Aye, aye ! 

Nep. Was that you w-histling just nowl 
Boreas, No, sir ! I'd scorn such a cat-like whine. 

That pipe's a mere sham when compared with mine. 
Pooh ! you should hear me waking up the morn, 
My mother's sometimes blowing on Cape Horn. 

[ Whistle again. 
Nep. There it is again ; what means this awful screamer 1 
Oceanus. They're saluting maybe, the new Galway steamer. 
Nep. What, will these lines stretch out for gracious sake. 
Till a mere highway of our realm they make ? 
Galway ; where's that "^ 
Oceanus. Off nor' — nor' — east, a point or so, 

The Western coast of Ireland. 
Nep. Oh ho ! 



14 neptdne's defeat. 

We are surprised, indeed ; is this tlie case 1 

Have they, in truth, Ibund out there's sucli a place, 

Colunihus, go put a nightcap on your head^ 

This last discovery's put you to bed. 

Some new philosopher with daring hand, 

Has steered the shortest way from land to land. 

Laud ue the cotton lord's whose selfish lore 

Ignored the friendl}' intervening shore, 

Sticking like beeswax to the maxim sound. 

The short way home must be the long way round. 

Oceanux. This seems to tickle you. 

iVi?p. I'm pleased to know 

The good time's coming, though it has been slow, 
For my most favored Island, and that Fate 
AVill see her in her pride, the Emerald gate 
Through which must pass the ever-rolling tide 
Of prospering commerce, never to subside. 
And her bright banner to the skies unfurled, 
Reflect the glory of the Western World. 

Voice. [Above.] Look out below there ! 

JVep. Why — what's this I wonder 1 

Voice. Take care of your lieads there, stand from under ! 

[Lead line dropped — it strikes Npetune. 

Nep. Hallo, drop that ! I mean pull up ! confound your lead. 
I find it don't respect a royal head. 
Even in Davy Jones' locker, we can't rest. 
Or call it safe though one of Herring's best. 
Who is it plays upon such chords as these, 
Sounding with such stringed instruments our seas 1 

Enter Time, disgusted, his glass broken, r. n. 

Has anything gone wrong with you 1 
Time. ' Behold ! 

The time by Time no longer may be told, 
My glass is broken, my affairs wound up : 
A hopeless bankrupt now, I'll have to stop 
And go on tick; I thought it would be so — 
But this has given me the final blow. 
Henceforth I sink into a mere machine. 
My actions shrouded and my works unseen, 
And with my hands upon my face express 
The inward throbs mankind can only guess ; 
But I shall bide my time. 
iVcjj. I guess you'd better. 

Hollo I what's this 1 why, as I live, a letter ! 
And to that graceless scamj) addressed — so, so. 
Now how the cat is going to jump, we'll know. 
Read. 
Time. [Reads letter.] " On board the Agamemnon, half-past nine." 
Um ! " The two liners send vou dowu a line 



Neptune's defeat. 15 

To say that all's prepared, and rain or shine 

The union must take place this very day, 

The parties will be with you right away. 

Columbia is on hand. 
Nep. Our daughter, dear ! 

Time. [Reads.] " As Albion's proxy will St. George appear." 
Nep. Here's a flare up ; we'll quench it, never fear. 
Time. [Reads.] " Be careful now, and naught can mar our plans." 
Nep. I'm naught then, for I'll soon forbid the bans. 

Boreas, old buster, go unlock the cave 

Of ^olus, and let the Venti rave. 

Get all the Peter Funk's ajid Puffer Hop- 

Kinses from every mock auction shop. 

Let all the mad Macbeth's and Richard's spout. 

The English and Italian singers shout. 

Bring every organ, tamborine and hurdy-gurdy, 

And all the tenor voices cracked by Verdi. 

Load the big guns that at all dinners show ; 

Cram all the flowery orators that blow. 

Fetch the old wigwam, sachem, braves and all, 

And let them o'er some party question bawl 

Bring every element of noise along, 

We'll treat this youngster to a vol a vent ! 
OceanMS. Shiver my timbers! 

Nep. Well, what's the ni-atter 1 

Oceanus, They're lowering something from above. 
Nep. So much the better. 

We'll catch them now without the slightest doubt, 

All you've to do is keep a good look-out 
Oceanus. Aye, aye, sir ! 
Nep. Time ! 

Time. I'm up to the scratch. 

Ntp. D'ye think, old chap, you're at a sparring match 1 
Time. Excuse me ; I'm confused. 
Ti Hon. Here comes the spark, 

With Amphitrite. 
Nep, Now then, let's keep dark, 

And all retire, like prudent politicians, 

When there's no chance to keep their old positions. 

We'll match outside, though when we're sure to win. 

Make no more bones aboirt it, but sail in. 

[Music, "Ziiti Zilti." All go off. Music changes to '^Evening Bells." 
Electros and Amphitrite enter. Two diving-hells descend ; as 
soon as they touch bottom, Electros waves his wand ; the bells open 
and discover Columbia and St. George. 

Elec. Auspicious moment ! 

Amphi. Daughter, to my heart 

Let me enfold you. And how are you 1 
Col. Smart. 



16 NEPTUNE'S DEFEAT. 

Elec. Yes. that you are, and for your age a o>ie-er 

That might be reasonably called a stunner. 
St. G. I'll have to introduce myself, I fear. 

My name's St. George, you know. 
Amplii. I'm glad to meet you here. 

Electros. 
mec. Delighted. I have seen your name 

Amongst the cricketers, I think. 
St. G. The same. 

Mec. There is the iady, sir; why don't you go 

And greet her 1 
St. G. Well, I dQn't know, you know. 

I only represent, you know, the other side. 

I'm pleased, you know, of course, and feel great pride, 

You know ; but then my temperament's phlegmatic — 

On a short notice I can't get ecstatic. 
Amplii. You seem to shrink from this affair, my child 1 
Col. To tell the truth, ma, I'm a little riled. 

Amplii. Why so '? 
Col. To be united in this quiet way 1 

I'd like to have a little more display. 

Besides, he might have come himself, I think. 
Amplii. At that formality you'll have to wink. 

Princes by proxy wed, you know, my pet. 
Col. But he's no Prince, nor am I married yet. 

St. G. May it please you, madame, to accept my hand ■? 

Enter, at the hack, Neptune ayid the rest. 

Nep. No, don't. Quick! now's your time; secure his wand. 

[Time snatches wand from Electkos. 

So, we have caught you ! Hold hira fast — he's wirey, 

And for so small a spark, imcommon fiery. 
Elec. You needn't hold me, I sha'n't run away ; 

It's but postponed until some future day. 
Nep. Wife, I'm surprised ! 

Amplii. I thought it for the best. 

Nep. Oh ! you did, did you "? — but you might have guessed 

I wouldn't like it. What have you to say, 

Unduteous child 1 
Col. Well, since you storm this way. 

And raise such obstacles, I've no objection 

Now to return the gentleman's affection. 
St. G. Bravo ! that's hearty. 

Nep. Silence ! Who are you 1 

St. G. St. George of Merry England, firm and true 

Where duty calls ; and now my blood is warm, 

I swear, however you may fret and storm, 

We'll come together yet; and she and I 

You and the banded universe defy ! 

[They rush towards each other 



Neptune's defeat. 11 

Nep. Ha ! Boreas, divide tliem ; blow them up 
Into their ships again. I'll make them sup 
Sorrow for this before their homes they find, 
If I have any power to raise the wind. 

FINALE TO ACT. 
Chorus. — "A"orma." 
Clear oflfl steer off! 
Take yourself from here off; 
Far from this latitude, my friend, you'd better sheer off! 

Time. 
Cut him out, shut him out, foot him out, put hi^j out, 

Longer here he cannot shine ; 
Blow him up, tow him up, show him up, row him up 

Home by the Salt River line. 

Electros. 
I dreamed I was sojourning in the halls, of true hospitality, 
Nor thought I should dance at the Codfish balls, of such aristocracy ; 
But soon I shall join her for better or worse 

For nothing can quench my flame, 
And though not much beholden to you, old sea-hoss, 
I thank you all the same. 

Columbia and Electros. — "N'orma." 
And when together our hands are joined in peace, 
May then forever all jarring discord cease. 

Neptune. — "British Grenadiers." 

Now take a fool's advice : keep dark, 

And don't you interfere, 
Or you might find a hungry shark 

If you should flounder here. 
And so, my spark, you'd best embark, 

Or else you'll raise, I fear. 
Such a row row row, as just now now now 

If you come sparking here. 
[All join in a combination of harmonious eccentricities. 



END OF ACT I. 



18 Neptune's defeat. 



ACT II. 



SCENE I. — The Yankee Clock Factory of Time. Every descripiion 
of time-piece seen in this scene. A large .practicable clock in centre. 

Time discovered, cleaning and repairing his works. 
Time. Confound these Yankee clocks ! there is no knowing 

The trouble that I liave to keep them going. 

Time they've no chance to kee|), for Time — poor elf — 

In these hard times can liardl.v keep himself. 

Ah ! when the old time I look back upon, 

'Twas but mere pastime ; for, when Phcebus shone, 

All work was off my hands, and men could trace 

The passing hour upon the dial's face ; 

In sunlight only I pursued my trade, 

And^vhen 'twas cloudy, slumbered in the shade. 

But now I'm overworked — Time's in demand 

In every quarter and on every hand. 

Toil, toil, without let-up, through day and night, 

In shine or shadow — hang me if it's right. 

I might as well be a small-debt collector, 

A steamboat runner or a parish rector, 

A mean rich man's ])rofessional adviser, 

Plantation hand, or city itemizer. 

The blackest slave that cultivates the rices, 

Or else the whitest — made so by starvation prices. [Knock. 

Who's this, now 1 some poor debtor come to shin, 

And buy a little time, perhaps. Come in. 
Enter Electros, disguised as a Yankee clock peddler. . 

Who are you, creeping in at such a pace 1 
Elec. A poor clock peddler, please your three days' grace. 
Time. Poor clocks, indeed. And what do you want 1 
Elec. I carry 

A note of introduction. 
Time. Ah ! from Sperry. 

He's gone ahead of mc, I hear; they say 

He keeps two kinds of time now in Broadway. 

And what may be your business, sir, with me 1 
Elec. Knowing your wondrous skill, I fain would see 

My way ahead — in fact, I want to go 

Across the ocean, and yet dread a blow. 

You'll oblige me much by naming when together 

We may expect a fortnight's pleasant weather. 

This favor of your wisdom I would borrow. 
Time. D'ye think I'm Mr. Merriam or 3\Iadarae Morrow 1 
Elec. Why, can't Time see into the future 1 
Time. No ; 

I'll tell you what he can see into, though : 

He can see through that very tliin disguise; 

I've found you out, confound your magnet eyes ! 
Elec. Well, since you've found me out, I must give in. 



Neptune's defeat. 19 

Time. What brought you here % 

Elec. It was the hope to win 

From you forgiveness, by repenting all 

That I let drop below in Neptune's hall. 

To show you now how deeply I regret it, 

I am prepared to take it back — if I can get it. 
Time. Your hand. That's handsome — I can ask no more. 

I must confess I felt a little sore 

At first — your new philosoplier's so flout me, 

When the fact is they can't get on without me. 
Elec. Then, this time can I count upon your aid 1 
Time. Well, since complete apology you've made, 

I will assist you if I can. 
Elec. Then I'll go bail, 

If j'ou agree, there's no such word as fail. 

The onh' thing I fear is Nejjtune's frown. 
Time. I'll send my fairest montli, July, to smooth him down. 

Of all my daughters she can charm him best; 

Quiet his ruffled brow and calm his breast ; 

His airs, however blustering, compose, 

And soothe his very heart into repose. 
Elec. That's a good plan — the oidy one, indeed, 

That I know of, through which we can succeed ; 

For, while he's slumbering, good care we'll take, 

And be too deep this time to let him wake 

Before the knot is tied. But where's the maid 

AVhom you design our enterprise to aid 1 
Time. You've come auspiciously ; for yonder bell 

Will at the same moment ring the knell 

Of dying day, and hail to-morrow's reign ; 

July comes with it, and hsr gladsome train shhqh 

Of joj'ous days and happy hoars. [Chimes.] That chime! 

To-day is dead — long live to-day ! [Music, "Yes, to-morrow.^' 
Elec. That's regular, old Time. 

CHORUS. — Somnamhula. [ Without] Piano, accompanying the chimes. 
Yes, to-morrow, 'tis to-morrow. 

Or soon will be, we should say ; 
Thus ending all our sorrow. 
Let us hail the conung day. 
[At the first sti'oJce of the hell, July hursts from the clock-case, folloived 
by the male chorus as the Days, and the females as the Hours. A 
short descriptive hallet of action and chorus. 

ENSEMBLE. — Market Chorus. •'Massaniello." [At entrance, tambo- 
rine accompaniment.] 
Come, joyous hours, with song and dance 
Awake ye from your lengthy trance ; 
Trip gaily trip, July is here. 
The sweetest daughter of the year. 
Dance then merrily, 
Bing then cheerily ; 



20 Neptune's defeat. 

Happy time is ours, 
Summer and its flowers, 

Joyous hours, &c. 
Time. I'm glad to see you, daughter. 
July. Thank you, pa. 

I'm so delighted to get out. How's ma % 
Time. Well, only middling ; that, eccentric child, 

Her youngest son, the comet, sets lier wild. 

He's taken to the stage. 
July. What 1 

Time. Honor bright. 

Stars in the west, apj^ear there every night. 

What do you think of that 1 
July. He's bound to shine. 

Time. Let me introdnce you to a friend of mine. 

My daughter — Mr. Electros. 
Elec. How d'ye do 1 

Pleased at the honor. 
July. Sir, the same to you. 

Time. You'll go to Newport, this season, I suppose 1 
July. I'll have to go, you know, where fashion goes. 
Time. You'd better start at once. 
July. Your will is mine. 

Time. See Neptune speedily ; should he incline 

To be at all unruly when you meet. 

Subdue him. 
July I'll soon bring him to my feet. 

Time. There, lose no time. 
July. I shall about it straight. 

[Chorus repeated. Tableau. Closed in. 

SCENE II. — Part of Neptune's Establishment. 
Enter Neptune, /oZ/cm-ecZ hy Oceanus, e. 1 e. 
Nep. Bring me no more reports our seas between. 

None that are disagreeable, we mean. 

What ! have you to be told, at your ripe years, 

That naught should ever reach a monarch's ears 

Might put him out, or in the least degree 

Disturb his royal equanimity. 

In future, what I say you'll understand 1 
Oceanus. My eyes ! but ain't this coming Captain Grand 1 
Nep. You've heard me 1 
Oceanus. , I won't say another word 

But this : the truth ain't always pleasant to be heard. 
Nep. Well, that's my business. 
Oceanus. Then it's all serene. 

May it please your majesty, here comes the queen. 
Nep. What did I tell you 1 
Oceanus. Well, I didn't know 

That message wouldn't suit you. 
Nep. Go below. 



xkptune's defeat. 21 

Oceanus. Aye, aj-e, sir. Since lie won't hear what I've to say, 

Let him find out a roujilier sort of way. 
Enter BOKBAS, l. h. 
Boreas. Gas-pipes and raammolli posters ! here's a shindj' I 
Nep. What ! can't I have a moment's rest 1 Shut up your windy 

Mouth ! you're Gassier than a Gassy-nigger. 
Boreas. What! won't you hear me 1 
Nep. Blow 1 No ! 

Boreas. Then you're a bigger 

Fool than you're aware of. Why 

Nep. You'd best keep quiet. 

If you persist in sucli a blazing riot, 

I'll send my submariners to keep you in awe, 

Or put the whole ocean under martial law ; 

Quarter an array here of occupation. 

And make you pay like rats for every ration. 
Oceanus. It's against tlie law ; you can't do no such thing. 
Nep. Rebellious relative I am I not King ? 

My temper's variable; don't you task it, 

Or you'll find your heads in the rotation bisket. 
Oceanus. But captain, look. 
Nep. Belay your jawing tacks; 

'Bout ship, and take another course. Make tracks ! 

[Exeunt Oceanus and Boreas, l. h. 

My wife looks warm ; I spy domestic chowder. 

Well if she's loud, I think I can be louder. 
Enter Amphitrite, r., slightly riled. 
Amphi. I've found you out, my lord. 
Nep. That's not so clear ; 

How can you find me ovt, ma'am, when I'm here ? 
Amphi. I hear ; there's no necessity to bawl. 
Nep. And so do I, ma'am ; so you needn't squall. 
Amphi. My wrongs bid me speak out — wrongs past a cure! 

Not I alone, but my whole sex endure. 
Nep. If they're incurable, where can theie be 

The use in wasting eloquence on me 1 

Remember, there are no reporters by 

To dress your speech up for the public eye. 
Amphi. Rudeness or ridicule sha'n't put us out ; 

Woman will be heard 

Nep. Without a doubt ; 

Nor can they be too often heard, my dear, 

Within the limits of their proper sphere. 
Amphi. Who dares define that limit 1 
Nep. Common sense. 

Woman to man should be an influence, 

And not a demonstration. I just mention 

This little fact against the next convention. 

There's a fine chance to be poetic. 
Aw phi. Don't ; 



!22 neptpxe's defeat. 

You'll only be more stupid. 
Nep. Well, I won't; 

You see how mild I am. 
Aniphi. Ill tell you why 

She's here ! 
A^'ep. Who's here 1 

Amphi. Your favorite, July. 

iV'ep. Why, you're not jealous 1 , 

Amphi. I am sir, I declare it. 

I^ep. All I can say is, you must grin and bear it. 

If you're so silly. 
Amphi. Then as sure as fate 

If you flirt with her, I'll retaliate. 
Nep. Ha ! ha ! who with, ma'm, I should like to know ? 
Amphi. That nice young man was here a while ago. 
Nep. Electros 1 he's as dead as Julius Cassar, 

Dished and gone under. 

Enter Electros, r. 
Elec. Not yet, if you please, sir, • 

Nep. He here again ! where's Boreas 1 

Enter Time with July, l. 
Time. Now's your time. 

Nep. And she 1 ingratitude's a heinous crime 

Without these. 

Enter Ogeanus, l. 

Where's Boreas 1 can't he hear me roar 1 
OceaJiKS. Well, not conveniently, he's gone ashore. 
Nep. AVhat for 1 
Oceanus. He told me just before he was to start, he 

Was bound to Syracuse to harmonize the party. 
Nep. Confusion ! 
Oceanus. Here he is I 

Enter Boreas, l. 

You didn't go 1 
Boreas. Of course I went but hadn't half a show. 

There were chaps there could teach me how to blow. 
Nep. Well, blow your hardest, send this chap sky liigh ; 

And now my friend, you'll find your end is nigh. 
Elec. Both ends you might have said, your majes^^/- 
Nep. Tie me no ties, we have no Tieman here. 
Elec. Don't be too sure of that. 
Nep. Sour krout and lager bier ! 

Wliere are those Dutchmen 1 
Time. [To July.] My instructions mind. 

Those bullying breezes in your fetters bind. 

Meantime, I'll go and see the couple joined. 

[Exit Time, l. h. 
Nep. What ho ! without ! 

Enter the Wikds, l. h. 



Neptune's defeat. 23 

July. My pleasant hours ajipear. 

Enter all the Hours, k. h. 
Nep. What do I see ! is ii,surrection near 1 

But spite of all the denizenF of drj' land, 
From fertile Sandy Hook to Staten Island ; 
Camp, cooks, commissioners, brass band and all, 
By our prerogative we'll stand or fall ; 
Now, my brave wind-bags si)read yourselves a few. 
Blow, Boreas, blow as you know how to do ! 
Blow every one of you, until all's blue ! ! 
Upon 'em ! — charge ! 1 
Boreas. How much 1 
Nep. Just what you will. 

The tax-payers you know will foot the bill. 
Go in! 

CONCERTED PIECE. 
Solo. — Neptune.— " J/rtrcA, March, Et/rick and Tivioidale.^^ 
Blow, blow, puft"out and stretch your hides. 

Swell like a gobbler, each blustering snorter. 
Blow, blow, stove-pipes and ophoclydes. 
Lift the rapscallions right out of the water. 
Blow like new candidates 
Who from bad brandy date, 
Rapid advance to political glory. 
Crow up like chanticleers. 
Row up the mutineers, 
Blow as Brignoli blows in Trovatore. 
Show science then, my rigid musclemen, 

Pitch in without delay, 
Show science then, and I'll bet a little ten 

We'll have it our own way. 
Strike out like the Benecia Boy, 

And all your skill display. 
Until his eyes with the many color vies 
Of the ribbons on Broadway. 
Chorus : Uprouse ye then, my merry, merry men,l 
Now rows will win the day. 
Uprouse ye then my shoulder-hitting men, 
For it is our only way. 
Ballet of action — allegoric contention of the Seasons — the hoisieroits in- 
fluences finally subdued by the Genial Hours — they then jyroceed to at- 
tack Neptune, who naturally resists , but finally has to submerge also. 
Nep. AVould you assault tlie monarch of the seas 1 
Elec. Now pray don't put yourself in such a feeze. 
Take my advice and simmer gently down, 
You're reign is over you may bet your crown. 
Nep. Is the chair empty 1 the sword unswayed 1 the king dead 1 
Elec. The gilt is wearing off that gingerbread, 

Have the world's chances passed you by unseen, 
I little thought to [\n\ the sea so green. 



24 Neptune's defeat. 

Submit as gracefully as you know how, 

Immortal science is sole monarch now. 
Nep. We are electrified, no doubt of that, 

And so must abdicate — here, take my hat^ [Hands crown 
Elec. You've acted well, and your reward shall be to Electros. 

Henceforward in your neighborhood to see. 

Spreading their friendly pinions to the breeze, 

The messengers of commerce crowd the seas ; 

By war's rude din with shrieks of anguish blent, 

The circumambient air no more be rent, 

But this all humanizing power increase, 

Till the whole world be linked in bonds of peace. 
Nep. Honors are easy — this time I give in, 

Bye-and-bye I'll catch you where the wire is thin, 

And then look out for scjualis, for that, my hero 

I rather guess will knock your stock to zero. 
Elec. I'll risk it — but snjjpose you do — what then 1 

We've only to pick flint and try again. 

At least we're all right now my old sea rover. 
Nep. That's " a good enough Morgan," till the excitement's over. 
Elec. Come ! shall we see the hemisphere's united 1 
Nep. I would with pleasure, but I'm not invited. 
Elec. Oh, that's all right ; now, potent wizard fly 

And take us to the surface high and dry. 
Gong and instant change to the top of the waves. — A splendid alle- 
gorical group rises from the tcaiers, indicative of the union of the 
two worlds, a tax on stage managerial ingenuity which the indi- 
gent author would not, if he could, presume to pay. 

CHORAL FINALE. 

Now let your voices 

Sound over the sea. 
Who but rejoices 

In amit}-. 
Thus then forever, 

Joined hand in hand, 
May Columbia and Albion be united. 

Foes to oppression let them be, 
A lamp to the benighted. 

Until throughout humanity 
Dwell peace and brotherhood unblighted. 
Solo. — Neptune. 
Oh ! there was once a sea-king, his name it was Old Nep, 

In the days long ago, long ago, 
Ho had no care on the top of the earth, 
'Twas a place where he never had to go. 
Then hang up the trident, and also 
Strike up the bones and the banjo. 
No more chance for poor old Nep, 
For he's gone where all old fogies go. [Chorus repeated. 

THE END. 



[Catalogue continued from second page of cover.] 



VOL. XXV, 

193 Father and Sod, 

194 Masaaoiello, 

195 Sixteen String Jack, 

196 Youthful Queen, 

197 Skeleton Witness, 

198 Inkeeprof AbberlUe 

199 Miller and his Men, 
300 Aladdin. 



VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine, 

20S Jessie Brown, 

204 Asmodeus, 

205 Mormons. (wine. 

206 Blanche of Brandy- 

207 Viola. 

203 Deseret Deserted. 



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MASSEF'S EXHIBITION RECITER, 



AND 

nUATWING room: ICNXKPtT.AINTyCKNTS, 

Being choice Recitations in Prose and Verse. Together with an unique Collection of Petite 

Comedies, Dramas and Farces— adapted for the use of Schoels and Families. 

BY CHARLES MA.SSEY, 

ProfMior ofEloeation at Barllngton OoU«r«, N. J., and Mectianlcs' Society School, New York. 

No. 2 CONTAINS 
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The Irish Tutor; A Farce. 
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Sylvester Daggerwood ; Comic Inter- 
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School for Orators; An Original Comedy 
And Kighlet'n Selected Pieces. 



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VOL. I. 

1 The Irish Atiomey, 

2 Boots at the Swan, 

3 How to Pay the Rent, 

4 The Loan of a Lover, 

5 The Dead Shot, 

6 His Last Legs, 

7 The Invisible Prince, 

8 The Golden Farmer. 



VOL. V. 

33. Cocknies in California 

34. Who Spealis First? 

35. Bombastes Furioso, 

36. Macbeth Travestie. 

37. Irish Ambassador, 

38. Delicate Ground, 

39. The Meathercock, 

40. All that Glitters Is 

not Gold. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of W. A. GOOaLL. 

VOL. IX. 

65 Temptation. 

66 Paddy Carey, 

67 Two Gregories, 

68 King Charming, 

69 Po-ca-hon-tas, 

70 ClocUmaker's Hat, 

71 Married Eake, 

72 Love and Murder. 



VOL. xni. 

97 My Wife's Mirror, 

98 Life in New York, 

99 Middv Ashore, 

100 Crown Prince, 

101 Two Queens, 

102 Thumping Legacy, 

103 UnfiuishedOentleman 

104 House Dog. 

VOL. XVII. 

129 Mischief-Making, 

130 A f.ive Woman ii 

131 The Corsair, [MicBS, 

132 Sliylock, 

\a-i Spoiled Child, 

134 F.vil Kye, 

135 Nothing to Nurse, 

136 Wanted a Widow. 



the 



VOL.11. 

9. Pride of the Market, 

10. Used Up, 

11. The Irish Tutor, 

12. The Barrack Room, 

13. Luke the Laborer, 

14. Beauty and the Beast, 

15. St. Patrick's Eve, 

16. Captain of the Watch, 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Miss C. WEM- 
TSS. 

VOL. VI. 

41. Grimshaw, Bagshaw 

and Bradshaw, 

42. Rough Diamond, 

43. Bloomer Costume, 

44. Two Bonnycastles, 

45. Bom to Good Lnck, 

46. Kiss in the Dark, 

47. 'Twould Puzile a 

Conjuror, 

48. Kill or Cure. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of F. M. KENT. 

VOL. X. 

73 Ireland and America, 

74 Pretty Piece of Busi- 

ness, 

75 Irish Broom-Tnaker, 

76 To Paris and Back for 

Five Pounds, 

77 That Blessed Baby, 

78 Our Gal. 

79 Swiss Cottage, 

80 Young Widow. 

VOL. XIV, 

105 The Demon Lovet, 

106 Matrimony, 

107 In and Out of Place, 

108 I Dine with My Mo- 

109 Hi-a-wa-tha, [ther, 

110 Andy Blake, 

111 Love in '76, [culties 

112 Romance under Difii- 

VOL. xvin. 

137 Lottery Ticket, 
13? Fortune's Frolic, 
1.39 Is he .lealous? 
IV) Married Bachelor, 
141 Husband at Sight. 
i42 Irishman in London, 

143 Animal Magnetism, 

144 Highways & By-Ways 



VOL. ni. 

17 The Secret, [Peppers 

18 Wliite Horse of the 

19 The Jacobite, 

20 The Biottle. 

21 Box and Cox, 

22 Bamboozling, 

23 Widow's Victim, 

24 Robert Macaire. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Mr. F. S. 
CHANPEAU. 

VOL. VIL 

49 Box and Cox Married 

50 St. Cupid [and Settled 

51 Go-to-bed Tom, 

52 The La-wyers, 

53 Jaok Sheppard, 

54 The Toodles, 

55 The Mobcap, 

56 Ladies Beware. 
With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of SOL. SMITH 



VOL. XI. 

81 O'Flantigan and the 

82 Irish Post, [Paries 

83 My Neighbor's Wife, 

84 Irish Tiger, 

85 P.P.. or Man & Tiger, 

86 To Oblige Benson, 

87 State Secrets, 

88 Irish Yankee. 



VOL. IV. 

25 Secret Service, 

26 Omuibus, 

27. Irish Lion, • 

28. Maid of Croissv, 

29. The Old Guard, 

30. Raising the Wind, 

31. Slasher and Crasher, 

32. Naval Engagements. 

With a Portrait and Me- 
moir of Miss ROSE 
TELBIN. 

VOL. VIII. 

57 Morning Call, 

58 Popping the Question, 

59 Deaf as a Post, 

60 New Footman, 

61 Pleasant Neighbor, 

62 Paddy the Piper, 

63 Brian O' Linn, 

64 Irish Assurance. 



VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow, 

90 Cherry and Fair Star, 

91 Gale Breezely, 

92 Our Jemimv, 

93 Miller's Maid, 

94 Awkward Arrival, 

95 Crossing the Line, 

96 Conjugal Lesson. 



VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for 2 Suits, 

114 A Decided Case, 

115 Daughter, [Minority, 

116 No ; or, the Glorious 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Humble Life, 

119 Family Jars, 

120 Personation. 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Columbus, [Beard, 

146 Harlequin Blue 

147 Ladies at Home, 

148 Phenomenon in a 

Smock Frock. 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neiglibors. 

151 Dutchman's f.host. 

152 Persecuted Dutchman 



VOL. XVT. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husband, 

123 Day after the Fair, 

124 Make Your Wills, 

125 Rendezvous, 

126 My Wife's Husband, 

127 Monsieur^ Tonson. 

128 Illustrious Stranger. 

VOL. XX. 

153 Musard Ball. 

154 Great Tragic Revival 



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*^*- All orders will receive prompt attention. A new Play published every wee . , 

BS="An Alphabetical List of 850 Plays sent by mail on receipt of a postage stamp. 

" ♦,' SAMUEl. FliENCH, Pnhllslier, 

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BSF" See List of Stamlnrd Drama on second and third pagps of Cover. 



